I spoke in sentences at 18 months old. At five, I could spell complex words like strawberry while other kids were learning to spell cat and dog. I was top of my class throughout grade school, head cheerleader, and on the leadership team of my extracurricular activities. I earned a full-ride scholarship to university, and was top of my class there, too. In addition to my studies, I was in leadership in several clubs and travelled internationally every year for volunteering and “mission trips.” I painted and exhibited my work at the university art gallery and in art shows around town. My parents were so proud. My thesis supervisor, and most adults I knew for that matter, regularly alluded to the fact that I was the kind of person who had so much potential to change the world. Inwardly, I nurtured my private fantasies of leading the charge to world peace and dignity for all. I imagined myself in the popular archetype of young adults in the 60s who were barefoot and artistic and who stood up for what they believed in, vehemently opposing war and the subjugation of people.

The way I lived my life mirrored these beliefs. Instead of Christmas gifts, I asked for donations to be made to organizations that provided people with water and other necessities. I volunteered my time regularly to increase awareness about the genocide in Darfur or to spend time with immigrants who needed help with English or who needed a friend. I did everything I could with what I had.

Within a few years of graduating with my bachelor’s degree, I left Texas and the Christian belief system that informed and sustained my visions of the world and my place in it. I went on to run a successful photography business from New York City, traveling internationally and living an enviable fantasy life. There were moments during those five years that I would feel the pull to “do more” or have “more meaning” in my work. It wasn’t enough for me to create beautiful images and be paid well to do it. In my mind, I wasn’t saving the world. Even though I shed my identity as a Christian, I could not shed the sense—which was 25 years in the making—that I was supposed to be a heroine.

And so, I finished out all of my pending photography contracts, packed up my two-bedroom apartment and my cat, and journeyed across the pond to start afresh in Brussels, Belgium. This time I would make sure that I was destined for greatness. This time I would foster world peace. I was still naively idealistic, mind you, but I was 28 years old and had not been spared loss and hardship. It’s not like I hadn’t seen how the world works or was ignorant to the reality of life. Over the next three years, I worked part-time while earning my master’s degree in Cultural Anthropology, thinking I would still manage to find a way to my higher purpose — one that could be considered “world-changing.”

In 2018, I finished that degree. Shortly thereafter, I began going through a personal philosophical crisis. It was subtle at first, but it continued to grow until I could no longer cope with my internal distress. When the world shut down in early 2020, I shut down right along with it. I’m still dealing with the aftershocks.

Throughout those years, I was working as a freelance anthropologist and researcher for different kinds of companies and organizations. I could directly see the impact (and value) of my work for these organizations. Being an ethnographer, I also got to witness the tangible impact on the lives of individuals that I have had the privilege to research with. And yet, I still felt I wasn’t doing enough. My “purpose” wasn’t evident to me, I couldn’t sum up my “mission” into a neat sentence that I could plaster onto my Twitter bio and my website landing page. I felt like a waste of potential. I grieved the sense of disappointment I imagined my parents must feel. Especially when they would do generous things for me like cover my international plane ticket since freelancing wasn’t making me particularly well-off.

This year, 2021, I signed on full-time with the advertising agency that I freelanced with for awhile in 2018. When I was alone with my thoughts, and being honest, the work I had done with them back in 2018 was the most fun I had ever had in my professional life. My colleagues not only made me laugh every day, but they cared deeply for me in just a few short months. The work was cool and it was creative, and everyone there seemed to respect my fellow anthropologist and I for our academic training and our brains that thought differently than others in the agency. I loved it.

Somewhere along the way, I internalized a sense of shame about loving that work and wanting to funnel all my “potential” into advertising. While I do think advertising is culturally significant and is deserving of some of the most forward-thinking minds (this is a subject for a different post), I felt lesser-than and shallow for enjoying that world. I still feel like I have to justify my work, and try and convince others it is important.

The thing is, my ideas—which are also informed by substantial cultural ideals and values—about what counts as meaningful work have been covertly stealing my joy and prolonging my sense of internal crisis. I have a hard time letting myself enjoy my career, or even enjoy my free time, because I’m constantly obsessing about the fact that I’m not like Amanda Gorman, Malala Yousafzai, or AOC. But it’s not just the well-known figures that I compare myself to. It’s also the incredible applied anthropologists in my industry, the entrepreneurs I encounter in my research, and every speaker at SXSW ever. I also happen to have friends who are running successful consulting businesses, publishing feminist magazines, and working in organizations to ensure more equitable financial systems in marginalized communities. Perhaps the most insidious and toxic comparison of all, is the one I sanction daily between myself now and myself at 22 who had all the time and potential to join the ranks of those destined for greatness.

***

Today is Saturday, and like many Saturdays before it, I stepped away from the work computer to allow myself time to “relax.” And in my relaxing, I began the usual berating of myself for not using my days off to create beautiful art to display, write provocative articles for publication, build an empire, or…something that feels important. I’ve been carrying the yoke of self-disappointment so long that it almost goes unrecognized. If it’s not disappointment that I haven’t become a public figure, then it’s because I’m not awesome enough on my days off.

Over the past few weeks, I’ve serendipitously come across several signals that are beginning to inspire an inner paradigm shift. Or at least a strong desire for one. Quotes like the one above from an article in The Atlantic, or coming across accounts like Jamie Varon‘s on Instagram have struck a nerve, but I wasn’t sure what to make of it or how to process everything I had been reflecting on. It wasn’t until this morning, while drinking my coffee and thinking about all the impactful things I should do to make the most of my weekend, that I was able to put words to what might be going on. Yes, there is my insatiable desire for success (and therefore to be seen as special), but I also have what might best be described as a savior complex.

It’s not that I would be called out by @NoWhiteSaviors for being a person of privilege presumptively imagining that marginalized communities need me in order to live better lives. While I might have believed something like that in my Christian youth, my anthropological education stomped out any such remaining pretenses. It’s more that I doubt my own value and undermine my own happiness via my underlying beliefs that I am unworthy because I don’t have a job that society believes is “helping people.” And on top of that, I don’t let myself fully enjoy my non-working hours if they aren’t explicitly connected to producing something that the world would deem valuable. In an era where everyone is writing a book, starting a business, building a community, creating a platform, recording a podcast, collaborating with a nonprofit, or speaking at an event, I feel pretty uninspiring. I look at all the ways I’m failing to be remarkable, and I minimize the successes I do have or the ways in which I do matter to people.

***

As an anthropologist (who also happens to be an empath), I spend a lot of time listening to people’s stories. I’m often struck by how others are living beautiful lives, but telling themselves that they aren’t, and therefore robbing themselves of joy. And today it finally dawned on me that I’m doing precisely the same thing. My desire to be the humanitarian hero and to be recognized for my achievements, big or small, is poisoning my own appreciation of my exceedingly beautiful life.

I don’t mean to suggest that wanting meaningful work, or to do good in the world, or to put one’s energy towards positive change means that one has a savior complex. It is the context of my personal experiences, my thoughts, and my wider environment that has produced this particular outcome for me. What I do know is that I’m over it and I’d rather start making choices to be happy rather than to feel morally superior or special. I’m not sure where to start, but I know that I’ve got to confront these beliefs and come to terms with a healthier perspective (for me) on what makes for a valuable life. I’ve also got to reconcile my ambition to succeed with what I actually enjoy doing. I love my job, I love my life, and I love the experiences I’ve been afforded. And that needs to be enough. Enough is enough.

Can anyone relate? Savior complex support group anyone?

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Project Summary:

In collaboration with Empathy Equation from July 2019 – September 2019

Objective: Investigate the future of health management and healthcare delivery amongst patients experiencing chronic conditions through ethnographic research and a human-centered design approach. Define near-future opportunities to increase value and financially sustainable care models for system and patient needs.

Scope: 41 participants across the clinic systems’ coverage area and within different clinic practices and sizes.

Responsibilities:

• Assist in the facilitation of two stakeholder workshops —
  • Project Scope and Priorities Workshop
  • Collaborative Synthesis and Participatory Design Workshop
• Maintain relationships and communication with clients throughout the project to stay aligned to project objectives and build rapport
• Recruitment of research participants
• Collaborate on the creation of participant interview and shadowing guides
• Lead and assist in-depth participant interviews
• Shadowing of patients and healthcare providers (HCPs) at clinics/hospitals
• Recording and analyzing field notes, observations, and interview transcripts
• Collaborative data synthesis and analysis
• Development of patient-focused and HCP-focused thematic insights
• Development of patient and HCP personas
• Development of patient and HCP journey maps
• Creation of future scenario
• Collaborate to develop immediate-future and near-future recommendations
• Final presentation of insights and deliverables to stakeholders and medical directors

Results:

250 page final report including the work I did to generate:

• 26 insights under three high-level findings
• Participant summaries
• 4 HCP personas + journey maps and 5 patient personas + journey maps
• 30 high-level recommendations, each containing specific recommendations within
• 3 years out future scenario based on recommendations

Impact: Although the full impact of the project cannot be understood immediately, there are a number of results we were able to see over the course of our involvement in the project—

• Increase in stakeholder empathy for the workday and responsibilities of HCPs as well as the experiences of patients before, during, and after their engagement with the health system
• Understanding of previously undetected patient and HCP needs, particularly barriers to access
• Identification of opportunity areas within the system that require strategy for growth or transformation:
  • Technology and process improvement
  • System-wide morale
  • Increase in vertical communication and trust within the organization (i.e. bottom-up with structures in place to ensure feedback is received and acted upon)
  • Changes and expansion in care coordination
  • Provider-patient relationship
  • Supporting patient-driven health outcomes
• A shift in strategy for how patients make appointments and scheduling possibilities for the system at large
• Segmentation of patients leading to enhanced patient profiles
• A shift in strategy from a one-size-fits-all clinics approach to one that allows for different care delivery models depending on the (persona) segmentation of HCPs as well as regional cultural differences

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Project Summary:

In collaboration with Zeus Jones from June 2019 – July 2019

Objective: Workplace is Facebook’s platform for connection and collaboration within companies and organizations. Seeking to understand the current state of knowledge around the problem of disconnectedness at work and the potential for connectedness to respond to the consequences of the contemporary state of work, my role was to summarize the established thinking and build a point of view around the dimensions that connectedness could impact.

Responsibilities:

• Develop a research project proposal
• Conduct an in-depth literature review from the social sciences and management sciences
• Synthesize data from the cultural landscape on “the problems of work” and complete a cultural analysis
• Collaborate with a multi-disciplinary team and the clients, reporting my progress and findings throughout the project
• Define a perspective on the research from which Workplace could re-think and transform brand and communication strategy
• Challenge established thinking and develop thoughtful recommendations for future qualitative research opportunities

Results:

• A 50 page report, in a compelling narrative form, on the findings which synthesized research insights, identified insights and opportunities, and created a strategic framework.

Impact:

The impact of my work and the insights I generated helped provide Workplace with a theoretical framework and strategic direction in communicating the value of connection in the workplace, from both a cultural perspective and in service of fundamental business performance objectives.

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Objective: Gain an understanding of the global coliving, coworking and surf market, while fleshing out cultural and human behavior insights to help a new coliving and coworking company in Spain develop their brand, offerings, messaging, and web and social media content. Utilize mixed qualitative research and analysis methods to devise a brand strategy, structure the offering, and make visual and communication recommendations.

Scope: Global coliving with coworking and surfing market, focusing primarily on Europe.

Responsibilities:

• Project scoping and development
• Collection of qualitative data from the web
• Recording and analyzing field notes and observations
• Data synthesis and analysis
• Development of strategic cultural and market insights
• Development of personas
• Creation of future scenario
• Collaborate to develop recommendations and brand + service strategy
• Web and communications content creation
• Final presentation of insights and deliverables

Results:

A research report including:

• Visual insights built from a semiotic analysis accompanied by branding, visual, and web recommendations.
• Industry insights including an overview of research into the coliving and coworking travel industry. A series of analyses was conducted: competitive analysis, social media analysis, and discourse analysis.
• Audience insights to help understand the desires, cultural values, meanings, and interests of the target audience.
• Recommendations for future qualitative research.

Content creation:

• Copywriting and content creation for the coliving website.
• Strategy and ideation for content creation in the form of a regular blog extending beyond the scope of my work on the project.

Impact:

This project was created and carried out during the global COVID pandemic, meaning that the coliving space is not yet open to receive global travelers and therefore the impact is still to be determined. However, feedback from the owner of the coliving/coworking space concerning the impact included:

• New life, energy and inspiration moving forward
• A much clearer vision on how to market and communicate about the space
• A shift in visual strategy that is more aligned with the target customer
• A robust understanding of competitors and the market based on research that he “would not have thought of” himself
• Greater awareness pertaining to cultural values of target customer that influence their experience of the coliving space
• Having a sounding board to run ideas by in order to check their relevancy and relatability for potential customers

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Project took place during contract employment at Team One from August 2018 – December 2018.

Objective: Since 2010, Team One has carried out a longitudinal quantitative study of the lives and values of affluent consumers. The Global Affluent Tribe study has helped define and guide how the agency understands, communicates to, and strategizes for the affluent. Recognizing the limitations of survey research, my research partner and I proposed to illuminate the worlds of the affluent from the inside through ethnography, bringing to life how they aspire to, build, and maintain a sense of influence and impact in their domain.

Scope: 32 semi-formal and informal interviews, 18 social events attended, and 19 key site visits in Singapore and Los Angeles.

Responsibilities:

• Conceptualize a “unique” research design that would investigate key themes that have emerged from quantitative data over the years as well as provide Team One with a creative edge in terms of knowledge about luxury consumers
• Prepare and present a research proposal to agency leadership
• Scope and design project, recruit participants, prepare logistics for the field
• Engage potential participants while in the field, making connections and building rapport
• Collaborative development of participant discussion guide
• Lead in-depth semi-formal and informal participant interviews
• Participant observation at social events and informal time spent with participants
• Keep elaborate fieldnotes, live fieldnotes on social media
• Creative photography for the entire duration of fieldwork to enhance the final deliverables and create an art book
• Qualitative data analysis of all data including interviews, field notes, social media, texts, emails, and other media written by or about participants
• Collaboration during sensemaking process and application of anthropological theory to reframe the data and concept of influence
• Development of new insight into the values and motivations of global affluent entrepreneurs
• Photography and design of an art book (see more below)
• Co-creation of a final deck and presentation meant to be a unique immersive experience for Team One strategy department and leadership

Results:

• A research report in the form of a visually interesting deck and various presentation formats depending on the audience.
• Visual artifacts of the fieldwork, meant to supplement the report and presentations, while aiming to immerse audiences in the world of our participants, and demonstrate to clients the creative capacity of Team One. These artifacts include a 4 minute video and an art book that bridges the divide between the visual and the theoretical. The digital version of the art book can be viewed here.

Impact:

This project was the first of its kind at Team One, and it succeeded to convince agency leaders and the strategy team of the value of ethnography and cultivating an anthropology practice within advertising.

In advertising, the concept of influence is pervasive, but rarely explored in any systematic or analytical way. Our research not only helped understand how influence works amongst global affluent entrepreneurs and luxury consumers, but shifted the way that the agency and agency leadership understand and talk about influence.

Primarily, the research is used to help Team One’s clients understand what motivates their users and audience more deeply, but it also helped members within the strategy department think about our social media strategy in a new light, identifying different characteristics and values in targeting our audience.

The impact that I am most proud of is the strategy shift that one of Team One’s luxury hotel brands decided to undergo after being briefed on the results of our research. In conjunction with the ideas we developed on influence, we started working through some ideas, developing a theory that we are calling social alchemy. Even though the theory is in early stages, the hotel client was inspired to rethink and innovate the kinds of experiences they create for members and guests.

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Objective: A new venture studio was seeking support in strategy and presentation design for a number of clients that were moving into new markets or launching new products and services.

My work and impact:

My core contribution was to assist the founder in designing well-researched strategy reports that inform business decisions. As an anthropologist, my role was also to advise on human-centered approaches for entrepreneurs as well as consult on qualitative research to be undertaken when moving into new markets.

I worked on three main client projects:

• A Latin American FinTech Company:
• A Startup Accelerator for Social Impact Entrepreneurs:
• A Latin American E-Commerce Startup:

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Key Project:

Objective: Before the agency planned to pitch to a potential client operating in the wellness space, I was asked to help the strategists understand the changing nature of relaxation globally and the cultural dynamics that manifest around spa practices.

My work and impact:

I prepared a number of insights in a deck that would be incorporated into the brand strategy pitch deck. My contribution, in addition to the work completed by the strategic planner, resulted in Team One winning the business of the client (via their investors).

• An overview of anthropological theory and research on embodiment, the senses and thermal practices in North America, Europe, and South America to advise the client on the power of appealing to bodily sensation in both visual and verbal communications. Additionally, this helped provide cultural context in the expansion of the product into different markets.
• A brief semiotic analysis of hot tubbing practices to demonstrate the current cultural visual cues and messaging around hot tub relaxation, in order to suggest newly emergent visuals and trends that will challenge convention and appeal to the brand audience.
• A rapid digital ethnography on Instagram, exploring the imagery and captions associated with particular hashtags. I then analyzed the data to draw out 8 core meanings and uses of spa practices to guide branding language.

Other Projects:

• Guided a team of summer interns to understand the human and cultural implications of the re-branding strategy they were preparing for an online travel company. Part of this process was to complete a semiotic analysis of cultural symbols surrounding tech and travel to suggest brand messaging and digital product redesign.
• Carried out an analysis of open-ended survey responses to make recommendations to a cancer treatment center about communicating a more patient-centric healthcare experience. I also incorporated existing anthropological theory to bring the perspective of being a cancer patient to life for the client.
• Leveraged contemporary cultural tensions to assist Lexus account strategists in creating a Super Bowl campaign.
• Completed a semiotic and cultural analysis of subscription services to help guide a client in the campaign strategy of their subscription service.

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